A Defining Moment

After 11 Sept 01, many people referred to that day as the "defining moment" of my generation. My time and place in history is supposed to be forever linked to the tragic, national events of one day...?

Practically speaking, whether I want to or not, I will remember always where I was that morning when I heard about the airplanes and buildings (theology class), and the events that unfolded in the days (fear), weeks (hate) and years (war) following it. However, I would not say that particular event can define my generation. I was barely 18 years old, I had not been old enough to vote in the previous year's elections and had played no part in politics or world events up to that point. Any suggestion that that day and those events could describe who I was, am and will become exhibits a shallow understanding of all the factors that play into a generation's "definition."

But today... today I witnessed a defining moment, perhaps the defining moment of my generation. Today was the day that we stood up and swore to challenge the complacency that has drowned our nation for the past 7.5 years. We - along with our inter-generational friends - rejected this culture of fear and hatred that was bred from the events that were said to define us and our place and time in history. In drafting Barack Obama, and throwing off the constrictive hold of the past, we have redefined our generation, and our hopes for our country.

My whole body is filled with joy in our victory, love for those who are persistent in their peacemongering, enthusiasm for our cause ... and hope for what will come next.

"A house divided against itself cannot stand" says Abe

My Dad doesn't know this but he created a bit of a monster a couple of weeks ago when he offered to lend me a down payment for a house. My very first thought was, "No way! I can't handle a whole house!" After two minutes of thinking like that, I fell in love with the idea. My very own spot in the world that could belong all to me! I could unpack all of the boxes that I have been lugging around my whole life, hang pictures and maybe even paint the walls colors that I chose! I could stay there forever!

Having moved a few times in my life I'm ready to have a place where I can live in stationary peace with my things and my dog.

With no cardboard boxes in sight.

I've pondered this constantly since, and I've come to wonder whether my true reason for wanting to buy a house has less to do with finally grasping the stability that I have always craved and more to do with forcing that life upon myself. My conservative gypsy life-style has bred in me a desire to be constantly moving, breathing in new experiences and people, and simply existing in places outside of my previous comfort zones. Can a person long for stability and instability at the same time? I think my fear of my desire to pick up and leave is what is driving my competing desire to buy a house, and root myself in Minnesota.

"Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves."
--Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being